The only constant in our lives is ourselves. The only thing that we can control is who we are, who we want to be, and what we want to put out into this world. Everything else in this world is a variable. They are the things, people and circumstances that are constantly changing and of which none of us has any control over. The only thing that we can control is how we react or respond to the variables in our lives. This is why it is so important to have a very strong sense of self - to know exactly who we are and to remember, on a daily basis, what we want to put out into the world. Knowing who we are and what we want to put out need to be very intentional. Being in touch with ourselves has got to be a daily practice. So many of us fall in to the trap of defining ourselves by certain variables in our lives and we plan our lives by trying to achieve certain variables without taking time to really and truly know who we are and what we want to put out into the world.
For example, my life has been, and was intentionally planned to be, achieving different milestones over time: go to college, start a career, excel in said career, meet a man, get married, buy a house, have children. I will call that my "Roadmap for Living". We all need a roadmap for living, especially in a society that places many expectations on people. However, the problem is that many people mistake their roadmap for living with their roadmap to happiness. They are both essential tools to have with you on life's journey but they are very different and they are definitely not interchangeable. The "Roadmap to Happiness" is our constant while the "Roadmap for Living" is a collection of variables. I believe that most people try to achieve happiness by setting goals to achieve certain variables for themselves. We treat life like a checklist and assume that checking off all the boxes on the list will make us happy. In reality, this checklist, this "Roadmap for Living", is just that - a plan for how we will make a living, how we plan to spend the days of our lives and who we plan to spend them with. Its really like a life long time management tool. While it may have some bearing on the joy and satisfaction we experience from day to day, there is ultimately no correlation between a successfully checked off list and a person's actual happiness. We need only to look at people who have faced serious struggles in their lives to know that this true.
I am certain that we have all met someone or have heard stories of people who, despite facing major unexpected and unwelcome obstacles in their lives, have become an inspiration to someone, or in some cases to thousands of people. Perhaps we have heard stories of an athlete who lost their legs to a vicious infection and went on to win gold at the Paralympics and become a motivational speaker. Or the single mother who works several jobs to send her children to college and never resents or feels bitter. Or the parents whose child requires constant medical attention but who are the first to lend a helping hand to friends in need. There are countless examples of people whose human spirits have carried them through challenging and painful circumstances. I truly believe that these people, these individuals who have a seemingly unbreakable human spirit, all have one thing in common. They know who they are and they know what they want to put out into the world. They know that happiness is a choice. They know that how they respond to the variables that they encounter will ultimately determine how happily and fully they live their lives. This remains constant. Their human spirit remains constant. They have control over who they currently are, who they want to be and what they put out into the world. They have chosen to be positive and strong and dedicated and persistent. They have decided that rather than putting bitterness and anger and desperation and sadness into the world that they want to put love and compassion and joy and optimism into the world. Yes they are human beings, and I am sure that they experience moments of anger and bitterness and desperation and sadness. But they don't linger in those feelings because it is not true to who they really are and who they want to be. That is not their constant.
It is tempting to get caught up in the notion that if "this thing" happens, then I will be so much happier. If I get this new job. If my house was nicer. If I was thinner. If my husband was more romantic. These things are all variables. Unless we can truly get know who we are and what we want to put out into the world we will spend our days feeling defined by our variables rather than feeling in control of who we are and how we want to respond to the variables in order to remain true to ourselves. Unless we make a choice everyday to be who we want to be and to have our actions follow suit, then we are simply going through the motions of living and waiting for happiness rather than creating it on our own.
